Why is Everyone an Asshole at Starbucks?

Today I pose a very important question: why is everyone in Starbucks an asshole?

I walked into Starbucks after getting off at Harvard. The square was quaint and filled with sharply dressed students and childless newlyweds. The brick paved streets were picturesque in the cloudy weather. I was lifted with every step. Lately, my days consist of hunching over a computer and thinking of ways to make enough money to fill up my tank. But here, in the most wonderful place I could think of, Cambridge, the world was bright. Even in the overcast sky.

Here you could meet a stranger and fall in love outside of a guitar store, or find that perfect dress for ten bucks at the second hand shop. Here, my androgynous style of over sized men’s shirts, black pants and boots was the standard. Here I looked like someone who had their life together enough to pay rent.

In the coffee shop I ordered a tall latte, just enough energy to get through an internship search. A man in a wheel chair was behind me as I gazed on the book propped up next to the cash register: A Man’s Sacrifice: Supporting United State’s Veterans. I walked towards to the designated waiting area decorated with wooden table tops and sugar packets. During the next ten minutes different names and concoctions were called out, and one by one the room filtered in new customers. The man in the large wheel chair struggled to find a comfortable place. My heart went out to him, as the room was tight with table corners and the group of J-Crew models standing behind him made getting around difficult. However, he lost my compassion when he tried to ask the barista to refill the half and half when they were making four drinks at a time. Listen sir, I understand that getting stared at by everyone in the room can infuriate a person, but just hold on one second while he froths milk for seven.

The barista called out a latte without a name. A young girl, maybe in her late twenties/early thirties, stepped forward with her hand on her hip. She was mad at “that girl” at the counter because she never asked for her name- and now her latte went to someone else.

I can’t wrap my head around the tones these people felt comfortable using when everything wasn’t handed to them directly. Seriously: Why is everyone an asshole at Starbucks?

Expiring at 22: The shameful spiral of being single and ambitious.

While loading CD’s onto my computer for free at the public library (always on a budget), I picked up a book and watched iTunes like a kettle on a stove. However, I soon found my mind drifting from the newly pressed pages to the open space around me. The public library isn’t a particularly exciting place. It hosts an older crowd with high-waisted pants and large sweaters. And while the ascetic may resemble a Brooklyn coffee shop, I felt severely out of place. As each person glanced in my direction I wondered how I came off. Do I seem friendly? Open? Is my resting face positive and bright? Or do my lips curve down? A relatively young man walked by and followed suit with his gaze, and I kept my eyes on my book, the whole time wondering if he thought I was cute.

I’ve found this phenomenon to be true no matter where I am. If I’m in Boston getting lost on the streets, drinking a cup of coffee with far too much sugar at Starbucks, or while I’m reading at the library, I am consumed with my attractiveness to the opposite sex. When will the next man flirt with me? How many times is too many times to glance up towards someone across the bar? I’m obsessed with the notion of being somebody’s something. I want to be a girlfriend. I want to be branded as ‘romantically acceptable’ by walking down the street and holding someone’s hand.

Of course, as a feminist and aspiring nonprofit executive director, I still worry about my career and professional network. However, the feeling of loneliness doesn’t stray with professional or economic success. It is only temporarily masked- for me anyway.

I’m not alone with this feeling. I’ve talked to friends, strangers and coworkers about the desire for a relationship. What has led this group of young twenty-somethings to believe that if you’re single at 22 of 23 or 24 or 25, that you’ll be single forever? I always thought I’d meet the one in college, but alas, I left college with nothing but a few disappointing hook ups and an embarrassing list of men who broke my heart.

I know that it’s irrational. I know I should be out celebrating my independence, but after completely falling on my face with every new relationship- I just need a win. It’s one of those thoughts that appears for a moment, and just as quickly it is swatted away for being ridiculous. But I still feel compelled to openly discuss it- as it is as true as it is silly. So cheers to the single and alone 22, 23, 24, and 25 year-olds. Here is to a lifetime of loneliness and discontent!

7 Reasons why John Cusack is better than everyone you know

We all have our ideal significant other. In middle school we probably spent hours chatting with our friends about whom we thought was cute, funny or whatever and gave details to why that was. “Bobby is just so cute, especially when he smiles and you can see him dimples.”

You know what I’m talking about.

As we grow older those characteristics change. We still like to see the dimples, but we judge each other by the size of our resumes, bank accounts, the number of our friends or the size of certain body parts. We like someone who plans piano, guitar, wants to travel, is passionate, can drink whiskey…okay now I’m just giving you my list. But you get what I’m talking about.

For years, I’ve been trying to place these characteristics in a comprehendible package for the world to take and, in return, give me the perfect companion- but I haven’t had much long term success.

As of tonight, I’ve decided that John Cusack is the only acceptable partner. So I’m giving up on the romantic world until someone can attempt to live up to this man. I mean, I could live without a few things (the greasy, black hair and lack of a beard), but John Cusack is the neurotic, passionate, old fashion man I’ve been looking for.

Here are the reasons why every character John Cusack has played is better than any real life human being:

1. The exceptional taste in music: have you seen High Fidelity? Not only does he perfectly examine the power of the boss himself, he can make the shit out of a mixed tape.
2. The passion for the path less traveled: Own a barely-surviving record shop? Craft wooden boats and compete with all the fiberglass companies? All for the love of the craft?! Take me now.
3. The passionate rants about how perfect you two fit together: I don’t care how romantic Hugh Grant can be with his silly smile, the only speech I’ll ever accept is the one made while saving my father from a gang of rival hit men. Hand me a gun and tell me to hide in the bathtub any day John.
4. The fact he is just weird enough to be socially acceptable: Let’s take it back to the classics. Sure he is the key master at the high school party and only has two female friends, but he is perfect mix of life of the party and talk into a tape recorder to document his post-break up depression.
5. The body: God, who could resist his just barely fit figure? Like he runs every now and then, but decides to split a medium pizza with you at lunch just because.
6. The excessive amount of theories: Tell me again how you think the galaxy is just a spec in the entire existence of the universe and everything we do is meaningless, so why not make it exactly what we want at that instant.
7. The way he connects with children: Martian Child. Look it up. That is all you’ll need to figure this one out.

The Lessons We Reteach Ourselves

When it comes to dating, I might as well be a virgin. In college I ‘hung out’ with guys (Whatever that is supposed to mean) and never got much further. Whenever I even mentioned the word dating, they ran away like a scared dog. Eventually, indirectly or directly, I was always dumped. I am a dating virgin.

So when I started to date this guy, a term we both used, I was feeling pretty good. I was starting to see some romantic and professional success! What more could a college grad want?

Then things stopped being so great, and I found myself left with cancelled plans and disappointment. After talking to my best friend/soul mate, she said the most perfect thing that only she could say, “Honeybee I’m gonna be blunt, when you want to see someone you make the effort to do so. You are too good for the run around so I’d check that guy off your list and go for someone who deserves you.”

An overwhelming feeling of love rushed into my chest, along with the lingering sense of embarrassment. This entire time I’d been questioning my opinion. I’d start off strong; you know that “I know what I deserve” speech? Then, I’d convince myself that I didn’t know how relationships work. So what if we got a week without talking? Maybe that is typical?

But what I’m (re)convincing myself, something that Hannah so clearly articulated is that everyone knows what feels right and wrong. It doesn’t matter what is ‘normal’ in a relationship; it matters what feels right. If not talking for a week made me feel under appreciated, that makes it something I shouldn’t deal with. Lately I find myself relearning lesson’s I thought I locked in two years ago. I am beginning to suspect that I may never know what is right for me, and life is going to be a mix of ups and downs. The strangest part about all of this? I’m actually excited for the roller coaster ride.

THIS IS THE KEY TO YOUR HAPPINESS.

(HEY, it’s me!) 

Slowly I’m figuring my way as the summer ends. 

I’ve gone on great dates, made new friends, and explored the city. For the first time today I biked to the beach, well for the first time in a long time anyway. I took a swim and soaked up some sun- now I’m starting to let my little insecurities fade away. 

I’m finding out life is all about the details. For me, right now, anyway. 

Life isn’t about the disappointments, canceled plans, or lonely Saturday nights. It’s about the scenic bike rides; the zucchini’s your friends grow in their garden; the text from your friends saying they miss you. 

Life is about the great playlists you’ve made. Happiness hides in the city skyline from the train and the coast line on the drive home later that night. 

Lately I’ve been focusing on the trips to Farmer’s Markets and that okay. Sure, I’ve been lonely and missing every routine I’ve grown accustomed to in the last 4 years, but this is an exciting time. I’m trying to enjoy it.