list

are you making bad decisions?

(Because who doesn’t love a post formatted as a list!?!)

1. You wake up every morning with a terrible hangover.

2. You get SO drunk, you black out, and even though you somehow miraculously woke up alone in your own bed, your downstairs business aches and you can’t remember why.
-If  you’re a dude, substitute the aching female parts, with ‘you wake up with red lipstick on your wa-wa, and have no idea how/why/or when that happened!’ But, being a dude, you’d probably still be pretty excited about it! Even if it meant there’s a strong chance you have aids herpes now.Oh well, I guess. fuck, double standards ARE real!

3. You hear that quiet voice in the pit of your stomach (that ALWAYS knows what it’s talking about, BTW) saying one thing (aka- the RIGHT thing! this is what the phrase ‘go with your gut’ means!), but you squash it and do the opposite and end up feeling super uncomfortable with the choice you made- not to mention; aimless, self conscious, and bummed about the situation you’ve put yourself in.

4. You go out every night and never get anything done and wonder how you’re a year older with no accomplishments or life changing progress to show for it.

5. You monitor everything you say before you say it because you’re afraid of what your ‘friends’ will think of you.

6. You’re always worried that people are mad at you.

7. You don’t like the people you call your friends, but you continue to hang out with them because: they are all you’ve ever known, they look/dress cool, and/or you’re afraid they’ll be WAY mean/turn on you if you stop/take a break from hanging out with them.

8. You have no means of transportation/expect people to get you where you need to be. (A 4 month hiatus without a car doesn’t count!!)

9. You talk a LOT of shit.

10. You have a tattoo on your face.

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Do your bad decisions have a hierarchy? Share below!

♥ E

adulthood?

You see, my life consists of two quite opposing ways of living: 1. ways in which I am a Real Adult and 2. ways in which I am not a Real Adult. There are times that even I am convinced that I am on the fast track to adulthood, but then there are the inevitable setbacks. The setbacks that seem to happen every day, rather than every other month like how maybe the life of a Real Adult might actually go.

If, say, we had a month of competition and I was up against someone I consider to be a refined adult, I’d say that my standings would be as follows: Times I’m a Real Adult: 5; Times I’m Not a Real Adult: 100. I’d venture to say that my opponent would have the opposite score. And, I’m here to say that I have no goddamn clue as to whether or not I’m the winner in this competition or the loser, both for not being a real adult and for even writing out this fake ridiculous game. Either way, I think I’ve confused myself, which wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. Today.

Now, you might be wondering to yourself, “How is Emma not like a real adult?” Or, you might be wondering to yourself, “Why is Emma pointing out this unquestionably obvious fact about herself?” I have an answer if you’re in the first camp (see: the rest of this post). If you’re in the second camp, I have a caps lock rant for you: “YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME I WASN’T A REAL ADULT. YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME A LOT OF SOUL-SEARCHING AND SELF-HELP BOOKS AND NIGHTS AND DAYS OF WALLOWING AND CRYING.”

Well, that was embarrassing. For you, not me.

Anyway, how am I not a real adult? Let me count the ways.

Real Adult Behavior: Eats Kashi for breakfast.
Un-Adult Behavior That Cancels Out Previous Adult Behavior: Adds Rice Krispies to it. With sugar.

Real Adult: Drinks wine, instead of whiskey during the week.
Fake Adult: Drinks wine from an oversized coffee mug.

Something That Makes Me Seem Like a Real Adult: Does laundry.
Something That I Do That Strikes Previous Notion Out: Does laundry after running out of underwear.

Adult-Like Thing: Has apartment in with clothes hung up.
Seriously, Emma?:  Keeps all socks in a Sephora bag, because does not have an empty drawer.

Real Adult: Has budget.
Fake Fucking Fuck Adult: Doesn’t budget.

Awesome: Drinks smoothies.
Sucks: Only consumes blended fruits in cocktails.

Go, Me!: Takes daily multi-vitamin.
Oooh, Questionable Decision: Takes the gummy multi-vitamins for children.

Adult Win: Has gym membership for 24 Hour Fitness that is literally 7 minutes away.
Adult Fail:  Has never gone.

And now I’m done.

♥ E