are you making bad decisions?

(Because who doesn’t love a post formatted as a list!?!)

1. You wake up every morning with a terrible hangover.

2. You get SO drunk, you black out, and even though you somehow miraculously woke up alone in your own bed, your downstairs business aches and you can’t remember why.
-If  you’re a dude, substitute the aching female parts, with ‘you wake up with red lipstick on your wa-wa, and have no idea how/why/or when that happened!’ But, being a dude, you’d probably still be pretty excited about it! Even if it meant there’s a strong chance you have aids herpes now.Oh well, I guess. fuck, double standards ARE real!

3. You hear that quiet voice in the pit of your stomach (that ALWAYS knows what it’s talking about, BTW) saying one thing (aka- the RIGHT thing! this is what the phrase ‘go with your gut’ means!), but you squash it and do the opposite and end up feeling super uncomfortable with the choice you made- not to mention; aimless, self conscious, and bummed about the situation you’ve put yourself in.

4. You go out every night and never get anything done and wonder how you’re a year older with no accomplishments or life changing progress to show for it.

5. You monitor everything you say before you say it because you’re afraid of what your ‘friends’ will think of you.

6. You’re always worried that people are mad at you.

7. You don’t like the people you call your friends, but you continue to hang out with them because: they are all you’ve ever known, they look/dress cool, and/or you’re afraid they’ll be WAY mean/turn on you if you stop/take a break from hanging out with them.

8. You have no means of transportation/expect people to get you where you need to be. (A 4 month hiatus without a car doesn’t count!!)

9. You talk a LOT of shit.

10. You have a tattoo on your face.

Do your bad decisions have a hierarchy? Share below!

♥ E

keep my name out of yo hashtag!

While I fancy myself somewhat of a Remarkable Addition to Society (and yes that was meant to be capitalized) and I do love me a cocktail. I don’t think I could be further from this idealistic fantasy of a young woman that knows how to handle her relationships and emotions. Typically this entry would start out with “I couldn’t help but wonder,” or “Spotted,” but not this time. Never. Ever.

Being the oh so shocking Falmouth combo of a college dropout community college student and writer, making my way in life at times has felt pretty futile. In the land/island where prescription pads reign supreme over the younger crowd and where booze is only a phone call away, I’ve found it pretty easy to numb myself- especially after heartbreak. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I want to have fun.”

“What you’re asking for is reasonable I just can’t give it to you.”

After hearing all of those a few dozen times it’s easy to get discouraged. My preferred methods for coping with a broken heart are: full days spent without 1) getting out of bed 2) performing any mandatory tasks and 3) eating a bag of baby spinach.

But all kidding and sarcasm aside, something like the earthquake in Haiti happens or something tragic and out of the blue happens to a friend of a friend and we are all left with horrible reminders of how short life is and how it is unfortunately it can be cut even shorter in an instant. It’s times like these when I feel like all of that depression and claiming that I’m “wearing a frown” when a girlfriend asks what I’m wearing to some guy’s house seems so utterly pointless. Wallowing in our comfort zones is really only cheating ourselves out of good times we could possibly have and new friends we could possibly meet.

My only advice in regards to all stated above; is from that stupid children’s show Adventure Time. “Bruises are just hickies from the universe.” Make what you want of it. But my ears shot up upon hearing that when I was watching Saturday morning cartoons with my younger brother.  There’s a reason why we get knocked down and hurt after we put ourselves out on a limb. We just don’t know why yet.

♥ E

P.S. I just gave unsolicited advice from fucking Adventure Time, so feel free to completely ignore all the above.

you

 You. No, not you. The other you. Maybe.

I would now like to address all of the different Yous. As in, more than one person. As in, this is not all about one person.

You need to stop. This is my fault, I should have been more direct. It’s not going to happen.

You are working on being a better friend, and I really appreciate that. You’re probably the only true guy friend I have left. Even though you did that thing that I will never understand, I can’t use it against you for the rest of our lives. Also, you owe me a solid.

You were my friend and you disappeared and it’s probably because of that thing that happened. Even though we were apparently both fine with it. You’re right in what you said; what I suggested, I didn’t really want. But I do want you to be my friend again.

You seem like you want to become my friend, a real friend. I really liked that conversation we had on my couch. I was touched. But I can’t rely on you to follow up and follow through. I wish you would. But you disappear and you don’t even try.

You probably don’t even read this blog anymore. You meant a lot to me. Still do.

You are actually a wonderful person. I’m so glad that happened. If things stay as they are, I accept your invitation for that thing in the spring.

You, I am so angry with you.

You and I talk about being intimate, hypothetically, but I don’t know if that’s the best idea. I think you’re just lonely.

You disappeared, but it’s okay. I wasn’t feeling it anymore either.

You wondered what happened. You pulled a classic weasel and honestly, that changed a lot in our dynamic. I still think you’re great though.

You are just confusing as hell, but at least you know it. I hope you know that I do want you in my life. I don’t know how. Glad it isn’t my fault. I’m not going to campaign for myself. You’ve already told me how awesome I am. If you ever figure this out, let me know. There’s no deadline. Just see what happens. There’s something there. Let’s put a pin in it.

♥ E

Gifts for broke girls

I am hilariously broke! You too?! Great! We can still give each other wonderful holiday gifts.

You know what I would love? If someone showed up while I was working and said, “Wow, you look like you need a big break! How about I pay for everything for you for the rest of your living days?” Wouldn’t that be THE BEST GIFT ever? In this economy, the greatest gift we can give each other is the gift of convenience.

A spa certificate or a basket from Aveda sure would be lovely, but there’s a cheaper way to give your best bitch some beauty treatment. Try Diet Cherry 7-UP! It says “Antioxidant” on the label, so it has to be good for you!

Diet Cherry 7UP $.99 with your CVS card.

You buy 100 bobby pins. Four days later, you can only find three, two of which are on the floor. For Christ’s sake, how does this happen? Same thing goes for hair ties/elastics. Time to step up your BFF hustle and buy your gal pal a big bag of hair things that girls lose.

If only I had more bobby pins, I’d get that raise for sure! And then I’d spend it on crack, just to prove my parents right! 

Bobby pins are available at any drugstore or Dollar Tree, but if you want to feel extra fancy, you can buy a pack of those bad boys at Forever 21 for a buck.

“Wow, Emma,” you’re probably saying if you’ve read this far, “You’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel here, aren’t you?” You betcha I am. How about a gift that costs you ZERO dollars? Sounds like a magical mystery tour, doesn’t it? I have the gift for you. It will take you some time to make but it’s worth it. Find old clips and photos of you and your BFF4E and hop onto iMovie and make a totally adorable little video! Get cheesy with it and set the background music to Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend” or get really weird with it and set it to Lana Del Rey’s cover of “Blue Velvet”. Hey, I’m not going to judge, your friend isn’t going to judge you, and this guy Jeremy here isn’t going to judge either.

If you have $20, spend $10 of it on a Starbucks card and wrap it in a burrito.

Or whatever. Don’t look at me like that. You don’t even know. Okay?

♥ E