dates.

OK everyone by now you know that I feel that no one really dates anymore so perhaps your question for me is, 1) “So Emma, what sort of date WOULD you like to go on?” Or maybe your question is, 2) “Why are you being such a bitch lately?” I’m going to answer the first question because the second question is impossible to answer. That’s like asking why an apple is edible. Or why the moon is so big. Or why Jon Hamm is so perfectly engineered. And et cetera.

A few days ago a some guy I know invited me to go for a hike. Because of point #2 above, I said no. I don’t hike. What am I, Yogi Bear? But the point is that is a great idea for a date! It’s going outside of the box. It’s saying to the box, “Hey fucker, I’m going to step right outside of you and I’m not even going to look back.”

When it comes to dates, I like to go old school. I really do like a guy to take me out to a  restaurant. It doesn’t need to be expensive or trendy. Personally I don’t have a favorite restaurant, but if some dude saddled up and said, “Hey I know an awesome place” and then took me to East Side Pocket in Providence, that would pretty much melt my heart.

But dinner can be too cliche. Some other cool things to do include museums. Remember those? They’re like the internet but instead of hilarious GIFs (Side note: I hate GIFs. They’re like 1/8 of a punchline, if that. No nuance, no thought required. Just garbage), they’re real, physical works that you can look at, but not touch. The great thing about going to museums is that you can both feel like you’re really accomplishing something and it’s great to drop at a party. “Oh I just got back from the new _____ show” and people want to sound equally cultured so they’ll say, “Wow, how was it?” and then you can say, “It was resplendent/dull/fascinating/preterable.” BTW that last word was made up DID YOU NOTICE? You better keep your eyes locked on what I write because you never know when I’m going to throw you a fucking curveball. I’m like Mr. Simonet, from Pay It Forward: always trying to educate.

Now I know at this age and with the economy it’s hard to afford a decent date to which I say, TOO BAD, MONEY UP! No No that’s harsh. Really, there are inexpensive things you can do. Like hike. Or cook something together. Or look at plants or whatever. I am not being condescending! These are fine things to do! Or you could go scout out a photobooth and for 2-4 bucks get real non-Mac photobooth photos or walk along the beach. Or if you were on the date that I was on, you have that beach stroll interrupted by a phone call from your date’s strung-out friend who is confused and is stranded in Buzzards Bay without a ride or shoes. But whatever!

♥E